What is envy?

Envy is the desire to have what someone else has. It exists on a spectrum between longing and spite.

On one end, there is longing—wanting what others have without wishing them harm. This type of envy can resemble admiration and even fuel motivation. On the other end, there is spiteful envy—wanting not only what others have, but wishing they didn’t have it at all.

Envy often stems from attraction, wealth, or competence.

Why do we envy others?

We envy others because we believe we should have what they have—or that we deserve it more. But to truly understand our envy, we must ask ourselves a difficult question:

If we deserve it, can they deserve it too?

This is where the mind resists. Accepting that both of us may deserve something forces us into comparison. We begin measuring ourselves against others, fearing judgment, and quietly wondering if they are better than us.

Instead of appreciating what we have, we fixate on what others possess. And when we cannot feel happy for someone else’s success, it often reveals something deeper—something unresolved within us. We avoid confronting it because we are afraid of what we might find.

When are we envious?

We are most envious when something in our own lives feels incomplete. If we envy another couple’s relationship, it may reflect gaps in our own. Perhaps we haven’t communicated our needs, yet we expect to feel the same level of happiness we see in others—without doing the work required to get there.

The same applies to wealth and competence. Seeing someone purchase a new car, for example, might trigger envy. But the real question is: Do we truly want it—or are we reacting to our own financial stress or insecurity? Often, we project outward instead of looking inward. We focus on others rather than addressing what is missing in ourselves.

Who are we envious of?

We are rarely envious of celebrities or distant figures. Instead, we envy those closest to us—friends, colleagues, and people within our social circle.

Why? Because we see them as our equals.

We believe we are on the same path, the same level, the same “ladder.” And when someone moves ahead, we compare. We measure. We question. But when we are secure in ourselves, that comparison fades. We can recognize their success without diminishing our own worth. We stay focused on our own journey.

Where does envy exist?

Envy lives in the mind. It is internal, often invisible to others, and shaped by our own perceptions. While it may show itself externally, the real work must happen within. Sometimes, external conversations are necessary—but only after we’ve done the internal reflection.

Conclusion

Everyone feels envy. It is part of being human. Envy often points to something missing—something we haven’t addressed. Instead of resisting it, we should examine it. Because the way forward isn’t outside of us—it’s within. We hold the door. We decide whether to open it.

Take care.