Feel The Wave

Where you begin your personal growth journey.

Tag: Emotional intelligence

  • Why Knowing Yourself Matters

    Why Knowing Yourself Matters

    Look at yourself in the mirror. What do you see?

    Most of us don’t spend much time analyzing and judging ourselves the way we analyze and judge others. We usually don’t because we believe we already know ourselves inside and out. For the most part, we look in the mirror to identify external flaws. We check whether our hair looks right, our face is clean, and our clothes fit properly.

    But how often do you look inward and examine your thoughts, actions, and habits?

    If your answer was anything other than “often,” it may be time to spend more time reflecting on who you are. We rarely examine our thoughts because we’re convinced we already know the answers. Or we’re afraid of what we might find. Either way, not truly knowing yourself can lead to frustration and uncertainty in your abilities.

    That frustration and uncertainty often show up in how we judge others. We may project our insecurities onto the people around us. We wonder how someone could be so naive or so foolish. We question their decisions and criticize their actions. Yet we rarely apply the same level of scrutiny to ourselves.

    Self-examination is uncomfortable. It’s much easier to identify what everyone else is doing wrong than it is to acknowledge our own shortcomings. We turn a blind eye to our mistakes and avoid confronting the insecurities we’d rather not face.

    Eventually, a part of you will begin asking deeper questions and pulling you toward self-discovery. If you don’t truly know yourself, there will always be unanswered questions lingering in your subconscious. Although they’re there, most of us ignore them until we begin to feel them tugging at us from deep within.

    It’s like looking into a dusty mirror. You can see yourself, but the reflection is blurred. Taking time to think about what you want, what you value, and what you love slowly wipes away the dust. The clearer the mirror becomes, the clearer your understanding of yourself becomes. And the more often you do it, the easier it is to recognize the person staring back at you.

    Once you recognize yourself, you’ll be less tempted to judge others. You’ll become comfortable with who you are, and instead of criticizing, you’ll seek to understand. Your view of the world will change, and you’ll begin to discover more about the people and opportunities around you. You may find possibilities you once believed were meant for others, or opportunities you never noticed at all. As your perspective expands, the world becomes much bigger than you ever imagined.

    Knowing yourself doesn’t just reveal who you are; it opens the door to endless possibilities. The clearer you see yourself, the more clearly you’ll see the world around you.

    Take care.

  • Understanding Emotions: Embracing All Feelings for Personal Growth

    Imagine a world without emotions. How would that look? It would resemble a dystopia, where humanlike robots walk around devoid of smiles, connection, or feeling. Emotions are part of being human and we need to experience every emotion that the human body produces. We can’t pick and choose the emotions we want to experience while discarding the others. Life doesn’t work that way. All emotions are essential and are within us for a reason. The good, the bad, the ugly. 

    Dr. Becky Kennedy “reminds parents that it’s impossible to simply remove your children’s uncomfortable feelings. You can’t tell them to stuff them down. You can’t gaslight them into thinking they aren’t there. You can’t make like so wonderful and fun that they’re never sad or angry or jealous or frustrated.” This advice applies not just to children but to everyone. We need to understand that what we feel is normal. When we understand that these feelings are part of being human and don’t set us apart from others, we can better cope with our emotions. We will become more knowledgeable and with more knowledge we can get better control. 

    Understanding our emotions doesn’t mean everything will be easy. Some feelings are hard to handle, but they’re necessary. They are a message from our body and we need to learn the meaning of those messages. Before we can teach others, like parents teaching children, how to regulate emotions, we need to learn our own. We need to know what are our triggers when we feel joy, anger and sadness and what are our reactions. The underlying response to our emotions starts the same way via chemical reactions. Although it starts the same way for all of us the response to the feeling is what is unique about it. Understand why you react a particular way once you feel an emotion.

    The emotions will come whether we suppress them or not. It’s important to explore the feelings even though it’s uncomfortable and dreadful. It might be easier to ignore the reactions and emotions in the short term but catastrophic in the long term. If children suppress their emotions, they’ll be unprepared for the challenges of life. And trust me, it will get tough. Dr. Becky Kennedy writes, “Adults whose childhood were focused mostly on happiness are not only unprepared for tough moments, they experience more discomfort in those tough moments because deep down they think they’re doing something wrong if they can’t find the ‘happy’ and get themselves to a better place.”

    It’s never too late to learn about yourself, but it might take time if you haven’t reflected on your emotions for a while, or ever. Regardless, it takes time to understand why you react a certain way, what triggers you and understand why others react differently than you. We are unique individuals with different experiences therefore the world we live in affects us differently. If you are fed up with the way you react to certain situations, write out how you felt and how you reacted. Discover yourself and find those patterns. 

    Emotions are there to guide us. If you understand what your emotions mean, you’ll likely know how to control them and why they’re present. You don’t need to be a robot. Be human and experience everything it has to offer which includes all emotions, the comfortable and uncomfortable ones. 

    Take care. 

     

  • Why You Should Start Questioning Yourself—and Others

    We go about our day-to-day lives without much thought. Our commute to work is done on autopilot, and we sometimes wonder if we were even awake during the journey. We don’t question what others are doing—or how we ourselves do things. We follow our routines because they work, and they’re comfortable. They help us get through the day.

    In Ancient Rome, identifying counterfeit money was a frequent concern. There were various techniques used at the time, and some people became so practiced at spotting false coins that it became a habit. Epictetus, a slave turned philosopher, noted how people paid great attention to identifying fake coins—but rarely checked if their own impressions or those of others were just as counterfeit. We believe what people say and do without much questioning. We turn the other way, not because we trust blindly, but because it’s easier than disrupting our daily rhythm.

    We also avoid questioning our own beliefs and actions. We put up blinders to ourselves. We assume everything we do is meaningful and correct. But if someone else sees our actions as wrong, how can both be true? Something has to give.

    If we want to grow, we need the ability to shift perspective and re-evaluate our beliefs. We must remain open to others’ opinions and to honest reflections of ourselves. Understanding starts with curiosity.

    Put yourself in another person’s shoes and ask: “What do they see that I don’t?” When you question your own beliefs, create different scenarios. Scenario-building is a powerful tool—it reveals new possibilities.

    If you can understand another person’s point of view—and even articulate it as well as your own—that’s a mark of intelligence. It doesn’t mean you agree with them, but you’re able to recognize the common ground and the differences.

    Challenging your impressions has great value. You begin to see what’s right in front of you. You understand that more than one thing can be true at once. And you gain the courage to change your mind—a true sign of maturity and wisdom.

    So the next time you feel a certain way or observe something, pause and ask: Why do I feel this way? Especially if you’ve always felt that way. And if someone else feels differently, ask: Why is that?

    Challenge the impressions you hold of yourself and others to discover a new world.

    Take care.

  • Envy: The Mirror We Avoid

    Envy: The Mirror We Avoid

    What is envy?

    Envy is the desire to have what someone else has. It exists on a spectrum between longing and spite.

    On one end, there is longing—wanting what others have without wishing them harm. This type of envy can resemble admiration and even fuel motivation. On the other end, there is spiteful envy—wanting not only what others have, but wishing they didn’t have it at all.

    Envy often stems from attraction, wealth, or competence.

    Why do we envy others?

    We envy others because we believe we should have what they have—or that we deserve it more. But to truly understand our envy, we must ask ourselves a difficult question:

    If we deserve it, can they deserve it too?

    This is where the mind resists. Accepting that both of us may deserve something forces us into comparison. We begin measuring ourselves against others, fearing judgment, and quietly wondering if they are better than us.

    Instead of appreciating what we have, we fixate on what others possess. And when we cannot feel happy for someone else’s success, it often reveals something deeper—something unresolved within us. We avoid confronting it because we are afraid of what we might find.

    When are we envious?

    We are most envious when something in our own lives feels incomplete. If we envy another couple’s relationship, it may reflect gaps in our own. Perhaps we haven’t communicated our needs, yet we expect to feel the same level of happiness we see in others—without doing the work required to get there.

    The same applies to wealth and competence. Seeing someone purchase a new car, for example, might trigger envy. But the real question is: Do we truly want it—or are we reacting to our own financial stress or insecurity? Often, we project outward instead of looking inward. We focus on others rather than addressing what is missing in ourselves.

    Who are we envious of?

    We are rarely envious of celebrities or distant figures. Instead, we envy those closest to us—friends, colleagues, and people within our social circle.

    Why? Because we see them as our equals.

    We believe we are on the same path, the same level, the same “ladder.” And when someone moves ahead, we compare. We measure. We question. But when we are secure in ourselves, that comparison fades. We can recognize their success without diminishing our own worth. We stay focused on our own journey.

    Where does envy exist?

    Envy lives in the mind. It is internal, often invisible to others, and shaped by our own perceptions. While it may show itself externally, the real work must happen within. Sometimes, external conversations are necessary—but only after we’ve done the internal reflection.

    Conclusion

    Everyone feels envy. It is part of being human. Envy often points to something missing—something we haven’t addressed. Instead of resisting it, we should examine it. Because the way forward isn’t outside of us—it’s within. We hold the door. We decide whether to open it.

    Take care.