Feel The Wave

Where you begin your personal growth journey.

Author: feelthewave2022

  • Why Trying Harder Isn’t Always the Answer

    When you’re stuck on a problem for a few days, frustration starts to build more quickly each time you attempt to solve it. Some people give up entirely, while others keep going despite the lack of progress. In those moments, it can feel like you don’t know anything at all. Self-doubt creeps in, and you begin to believe you’ll never figure it out.

    Day after day, you try without success. You search for the answer online, experimenting with different keywords and hoping someone, somewhere, has asked the same question or faced the same problem—and received a solution. Yet, despite all your effort, you have nothing to show for it except a hundred ways not to fix the issue.

    Just when you’re at your wit’s end, you make a decision—to let go. Let the solution come to me, you think. You choose to shift your focus to another part of your project, or maybe something entirely unrelated. You do anything you can to take your mind off the problem. One helpful method is to create a small win for yourself: something simple you can learn or achieve that boosts your confidence and makes you feel good.

    When you remove yourself from the immediate pressure of the problem, your mind doesn’t stop working on it—it just works differently. That’s why answers often come to you in the shower or while doing something mundane. Your subconscious mind is piecing together all the information you’ve gathered. It processes the problem from a new angle, offering up fresh insight. It’s like your mind takes on a bird’s-eye view, seeing the bigger picture that was previously hidden in the details.

    By gaining that broader perspective, you can see the problem in a new light. And new perspectives often bring new solutions. Sometimes, all it takes is shifting your approach or looking at the issue from a different angle to unlock the answer. And with that spark of insight comes a burst of energy and renewed motivation to return to the task.

    Taking a step back allows your mind the space it needs to connect the dots—to organize the research, untangle your thoughts, and make sense of everything you’ve absorbed. In many cases, stepping away from the problem isn’t giving up; it’s a smarter strategy. It can be far more effective than simply trying harder.

    That said, persistence is still key. Progress might feel invisible when hours or even days go by without a breakthrough. But know this: all the brainstorming, research, and failed attempts are not wasted. They’re part of the process. Each misstep is a clue, helping you rule out what doesn’t work.

    The only way you’re guaranteed not to solve the problem is by quitting. The difference between those who give up and those who don’t often comes down to emotional management. Frustration is universal when things don’t go our way—but those who persevere don’t let it cloud their thinking. They take a breath, refocus, and, when needed, try a new approach.

    You might not need to push harder. You might just need a different perspective.

    Stop trying harder. Try differently.

    Take care.

  • Forgetful? Me Too. How Reminders and Clear Communication Make Life Easier

    Has it ever happened that someone repeats a story they told you just a week ago? You wonder how they could forget they already shared it so recently. As they talk, you think, “I know this story.” You’re unsure how to respond. Should you politely tell them you’ve heard it before?

    These moments can be awkward—especially when the other person is surprised they don’t remember. But the truth is, people have a lot going on, and it’s easy to forget who we’ve told what to. I’m sure I’ve done this myself, though no one has told me, so I remain unaware. If they did remember and chose to say something, I imagine they might feel uneasy, not knowing how to bring it up.

    We’re all forgetful at times. Thankfully, tools like smartphones help us stay on track. For me, reminders are essential.

    I use reminders for both work and family life. I set them for daily responsibilities—who’s picking up the kids, after-school activities, and appointments. We keep a shared calendar visible to all family members so everyone stays aligned and accountable.

    At work, reminders are just as crucial, especially for team projects. They help track who’s doing what, what’s due when, and who needs to connect with whom. While that may sound obvious, I even set reminders for things like taking breaks. It’s easy to forget to step away from the screen, but breaks are important—they clear the mind, reduce eye strain, and get your body moving.

    Reminders don’t just help with forgetfulness—they also prevent assumptions. For example, if my wife and I don’t discuss who’s picking up the kids, and no one does, it’s not forgetfulness—it’s assumption. The same happens at work: something doesn’t get done because someone assumed someone else would handle it.

    That’s why my rule is to over-communicate—even if it feels excessive. It sounds simple, but it takes effort. We forget details and assume others know what we know. Being clear and thorough requires practice.

    I’m forgetful, and I make assumptions. But I’m learning. Setting reminders and communicating clearly—even when it seems obvious—has made a big difference.

    Take care.

  • How to Be the Kind of Leader People Remember

    There are great leaders, terrible leaders, and everything in between. We often remember the terrible ones for their flaws and the great ones for their strength, while many simply fade into obscurity. Truly great leaders, however, are rare—the ones we remember for a lifetime because of their exceptional impact.

    So, how can we become the kind of leaders who leave a lasting, positive impact on others? Here are a few traits that define truly great leadership.

    1. They Put People First

    Great leaders don’t see their team members as mere tools to achieve organizational goals, but as individuals with unique potential to grow and learn. Their role is to provide the resources, guidance, and encouragement employees need to reach their next career milestone. They push team members out of their comfort zones while respecting their abilities, helping them improve every day.

    When employees feel genuinely respected and supported, they become more engaged, empowered, and willing to go above and beyond.

    2. They Give Employees Space to Work

    Great leaders trust their employees to get the job done in their own way. They assign tasks and allow team members to decide how to approach them, offering only as much direction as needed based on experience levels. At the same time, they remain available for support or clarification.

    This kind of trust fosters autonomy, reduces pressure, and boosts creativity. Employees become more confident, focused, and take ownership of their work—making a world of difference in outcomes.

    3. They Respect Everyone’s Time

    Great leaders understand that everyone is busy. They show respect by being punctual and well-prepared for meetings—whether they’re leading them or not. While leaders might earn more, that doesn’t make their time more valuable than anyone else’s.

    Consistently being late sends the message that others’ time doesn’t matter. Great leaders avoid this by valuing punctuality and preparation, demonstrating respect for everyone on the team.

    4. They Listen Attentively

    Great leaders listen to understand, not just to respond. They are genuinely curious about others’ perspectives and ask thoughtful questions when they need clarification. This active listening builds trust, encourages open dialogue, and strengthens team relationships.

    5. They Maintain a Learning Mindset

    Great leaders are always learning—about themselves, their teams, and how to lead more effectively. They know when to push hard and when to ease off. They understand the importance of balancing focus with fun, using both to energize and unite their team toward shared goals.

    Great leadership isn’t about power or control—it’s about people, purpose, and presence. What does a great leader look like to you?

    Let’s all strive to lead with intention, respect, and heart.

    Take care and lead well.

  • Why Challenging Yourself Every Day Leads to Real Growth

    You wake up on time, well-rested and not rushed. You hit all the green lights on the way, encounter no traffic, and there’s no line at the coffee shop. When you arrive at work, you have clear directives and no distractions. That sounds like a great day, doesn’t it? It’s the kind of day we all wish for—where everything works effortlessly.

    If every day were like this, life would be easy. You could run on autopilot and move through the day without any hiccups. Sounds good, right?

    For some, this is a dream come true. For others, a nightmare. Sure, it’s nice to have smooth days occasionally—but not every day. People need challenges to grow and build self-confidence. Facing difficulties makes us more competent and adaptable. Life isn’t about handouts; it’s about rising to the occasion. Whether you see that as fortunate or unfortunate depends on your perspective.

    Challenges are inevitable—whether you like it or not. And when they come, you need to be prepared. In times of uncertainty, you want to be useful, not hiding in a corner hoping it all blows over. The best way to prepare for the unexpected is to regularly put yourself in challenging situations. Dive into tasks you’re unfamiliar with. Try new things, ask questions, be a beginner, and learn from your mistakes.

    Take public speaking, for example—a common fear. To overcome it, look for opportunities at work or in your personal life to present to others. Start small—maybe present something familiar to just one person—and build from there. The key is to start. Opportunities are everywhere; you just need to find or create them. There’s no downside to practicing public speaking. With experience, you’ll become confident and capable—ready to speak in front of larger audiences without hesitation.

    This doesn’t mean it won’t be stressful or difficult, but it will become manageable. By tackling hard things now, you’ll be more equipped to handle unexpected challenges later—without feeling overwhelmed. You’ll build the self-confidence to face adversity, knowing each challenge is an opportunity to learn and grow.

    Challenging yourself every day is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Over time, it will make you feel proud, resilient, and ready for anything.

    Take care.

  • When You Shut Down But Need to Speak Up

    We often hesitate to share our feelings because we fear how others might perceive us. We keep our emotions bottled up, not realizing that most people have felt the same way at some point. In truth, expressing how we feel is often met with more acceptance than we expect.

    Still, it’s easier said than done—especially if you were raised to suppress your emotions because your parents didn’t understand or acknowledge them.

    Children who grow up in households where expressing opinions is discouraged, and the parent is always “right,” often enter adulthood feeling helpless or overwhelmed during conflict. They learn early that talking about their feelings leads nowhere. As adults, they may struggle to articulate their emotions, repress how they feel, view conflict as a threat to the relationship, and find it difficult to build emotional intimacy.

    According to holistic psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera, “People with avoidant attachment patterns will shut down anytime there is conflict, try to put off uncomfortable conversations, and not express how they feel.”

    Dr. LePera also notes that individuals who shut down often carry a deep fear of abandonment. To protect themselves from the pain of potential loss, they distance themselves emotionally—believing that if they never fully commit, the hurt will be less if the relationship ends.

    However, not every person who grows up in an emotionally neglectful environment will develop this pattern. Sometimes, a single event—like a playground embarrassment or a public breakup—can shape similar emotional responses.

    Imagine a sixth-grader whose boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with them in front of the entire class. Overcome with embarrassment and emotion, they become the center of unwanted attention. That moment can serve as a lasting warning, encouraging them to avoid vulnerability in future relationships.

    These emotional imprints become internal signals, cautioning them to keep others at a distance to stay safe. The environment we grow up in plays a pivotal role. With supportive parenting, children can learn to process big emotions in a healthy way. Parents who acknowledge and talk about feelings teach their children that emotions are natural, even when they’re painful.

    Conversely, in families where emotions are ignored or minimized, children are taught to suppress their feelings—especially after painful events like the death of a loved one or a breakup. If such events go unspoken, the child may internalize the idea that the way to “move on” is to shut down. But the healthier alternative is to talk through these painful moments, even when it hurts in the short term.

    If you grew up this way—or still behave this way—remember: that was your past, not your future. You can’t change how you reacted or what happened back then, but you can shape what happens from this point forward.

    Pay attention to your feelings as they arise. Get curious about them. Talk to the people you care about—your partner, kids, parents, or friends. Let them know when you’re frustrated, sad, joyful, or excited. These emotions are part of what makes us human. They’re here to guide us, not shame us.

    Embrace all of them.

    Take care.

  • Start Strong, End Stronger: Daily Actions for a Better Week

    Life moves fast. Between responsibilities, distractions, and unexpected challenges, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters most. But what if each day had a purpose? What if you could start each morning with one simple action to guide your thoughts, build momentum, and stay grounded?

    This post offers a small but powerful practice for each day of the week—seven daily actions designed to help you live with more intention, clarity, and resilience. None of them take long, but together, they create a rhythm that supports personal growth and emotional well-being.

    Let’s dive in.

    Day 1: Rise and Shine

    We are meant to live with purpose—not to stay curled up in bed until late morning. Each of us has something to contribute to the greater good. But we can’t serve ourselves or others unless we get up and begin the day with intention and action.

    Day 2: Prepare Yourself for Negativity

    At some point today, you’ll likely encounter someone who is negative or complaining. Are you ready for it? Prepare in advance so you can respond with patience, forgiveness, and understanding. If someone cuts you off in traffic, tell yourself, “They must be late.” If someone is rude, remind yourself, “They might be having a bad day.”

    Day 3: Clarify Your Intentions

    Plan all the way to the end. Without an end in mind, you have no direction. And without direction, how will you know what to focus on? What to say no to? How will you know when you’ve achieved your goal?

    Day 4: Be Ruthless About What Doesn’t Matter

    One of the hardest things to do is say “no.” How much time do we waste on events—or emotions like anger, envy, and lust—that don’t serve us well? If we’re not careful, they can consume our lives and leave us feeling overwhelmed. Use the power of “no.” It may hurt others’ feelings, and it may be hard at first, but the more you do it, the more space you’ll create for what truly fulfills you.

    Day 5: Turn ‘Have to’ into ‘Get to’

    There’s a big difference between seeing life as something you have to do and seeing it as something you get to do. Stuck in traffic? It’s a few more minutes to breathe, reflect, or listen to your favorite podcast.

    Day 6: Take a Walk

    In ancient times, philosophers and poets took long walks to escape the noise of the city, clear their minds, think deeply, and find solutions. If you feel overwhelmed, stressed, or stuck on a problem, take a walk. Sometimes the answer is buried beneath cluttered thoughts, and fresh air is all you need to bring it to the surface.

    Day 7: A Week in Review

    “…we reflect upon only that which we are about to do. And yet our plans for the future depend on the past.” —Seneca

    Take time to write down your thoughts: what went well, what didn’t, and anything meaningful you came across—quotes, lessons, or wins. This habit not only helps you remember but also tracks your growth and progress over time.

    Apply these actions throughout your week, and watch how your mindset, productivity, and well-being begin to shift.

    Take care.

  • The Power of Prioritization: How to Focus on What Truly Matters

    Everyone spends their free time differently—some play sports, others paint, and some dive into computer programming. Many, however, find themselves watching television or scrolling through social media. No matter what, your time gets filled; the question is, are you choosing how to fill it?

    Without clear priorities, time slips away into whatever is most convenient. With smartphones offering endless distractions, it’s easy to reach for a device and scroll mindlessly, filling moments instead of making them meaningful.

    To avoid the trap of mindless scrolling and time vortexes, I divide my priorities into three areas: work, personal, and family. Each category has specific goals, along with a plan to achieve them within a set timeframe. Setting goals is important, but just as crucial is deciding when and where to work on them.

    I dedicate weeknights and early weekend mornings to personal priorities—times that don’t interfere with family or work. My personal goals include exercising, reading, and writing. I know what each requires, where I need to be, and when I’ll do them. Deciding how to spend my time is easy because my priorities are clear. Watch television, or read, write, and exercise? I choose the latter because they bring me closer to my goals and make me feel accomplished.

    My family priorities center on being fully present with my wife and kids. When my children wake up, I’m there to help them get ready for school. In the evening, I support them with homework, play with them, teach them, and talk with them. At night, I spend time with my wife—listening, sharing, and strengthening our connection. This mutual engagement strengthens our bond and helps us truly know one another.

    At work, my priorities align with my business goals. I follow a structured schedule and a clear system with my team, but even with a defined mission and vision, staying on track isn’t always easy. Sometimes I don’t feel like reading or writing. Watching television or checking social media seems more appealing. Priorities in different areas of my life sometimes overlap, forcing difficult choices. Unexpected events disrupt plans.

    Open communication with my wife and kids is crucial when priorities conflict. By discussing my goals, we establish clear boundaries between personal and family time, reducing guilt when I need to focus elsewhere.

    No system is perfect—mine included. Priorities shift, and adjustments are constant. But having a schedule keeps me intentional and minimizes wasted time. As James Clear says in Atomic Habits, scheduling when, where, and how I’ll exercise, read, or write significantly increases the likelihood of following through and, ultimately, achieving my goals. It also frees up mental space.

    If you say you don’t have time for yourself, what you’re really saying is that it’s not a priority. If it matters, schedule it—then commit. Check your calendar, make time, and stop wasting it!

    Take care.

  • Living with Purpose: How Core Values Shape My Everyday Life

    I have good days. I have bad days. I have days when I feel I could work all day and night, and days when work is the last thing I want to do. Some days, I feel like I could run a marathon, while on others, I struggle to get out of bed.

    These extremes are unusual. A typical day lies somewhere in the middle. I wake up energized and ready to take on the day. Although I enjoy going to work, after eight hours, I need a break—a 30-minute jog is usually sufficient to reset my energy. However, what makes a typical day fulfilling isn’t my energy level but my commitment to clear values. No matter where I fall on the energy spectrum, I ensure that I incorporate my core values into my day.

    Core Values

    In the midst of fluctuating energy levels, I’ve found stability through three guiding principles: honesty, respect, and gratitude.

    Honesty

    Every day, I strive to be honest with others and myself. I ask myself, What can I do today? Am I being ambitious? Am I challenging myself? Planning my day the night before helps me stay focused and reassess my priorities as needed. As part of my nightly routine, I take ten minutes to write down three things I want to accomplish the next day, prioritizing them in order of importance. Waking up with a plan means I can devote my energy to meaningful objectives instead of minor tasks like choosing an outfit or deciding what to do first.

    Respect

    I also make a conscious effort to respect and value others. I take time to listen, acknowledge different opinions, and understand perspectives that may not align with mine. On days when my energy is low, I struggle with patience. However, I remind myself that I control my reactions—I can choose to show respect regardless of how I feel.

    Gratitude

    Finally, I practice gratitude. I appreciate everything I have in my life: a fulfilling job, a home, a healthy family, and the ability to eat three meals a day. I do not take any of these things for granted. These essentials sustain me, and everything else is extra.

    Setting Yourself Up for Success

    Day in and day out, I adhere to these three values, no matter how I feel. By doing so, I increase my chances of having a great day. As Marcus Aurelius wrote, “It’s about not giving up, not giving in, not letting fate or misfortune break you. It’s about loving life despite it all.”

    Whatever the day brings, set yourself up for success. Know what drives you and gives you energy, and incorporate it into your daily life.

    Take care.

  • Building Healthy Self-Esteem: Embrace Growth and Self-Acceptance

    When someone has self-esteem, they usually have good mental health and overall well-being. You can notice when someone has high self-esteem in a room. They smile, look people in the eyes when speaking with them, speak clearly, hold their head high, stand straight and show interest in what others have to say.

    What is Self-Esteem?

    Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It encompasses our opinions and beliefs about ourselves. Self-esteem is the difference between saying “I failed” and “I’m growing.” However, having too much self-esteem can also be problematic. Excessive self-esteem can lead to feelings of superiority, arrogance, and a tendency to criticize others.

    The Impact of Self-Talk

    A person’s self-esteem is greatly influenced by their self-talk. If someone engages in negative self-talk, they are likely to have low self-esteem. For example, if a person continuously tells themselves that they will never find someone who loves them because they are “stupid” or a “failure,” they will likely lack confidence around others. This lack of self-confidence creates a vicious cycle of low self-esteem. Know your worth and tell yourself you are doing the best you can and that is enough. Eventually, wins will accumulate and things will turn around. The self-talk will be inspiring. 

    The Dangers of Comparison

    Comparing yourself to others is detrimental to self-esteem. People with low self-esteem often compare themselves to others in an attempt to feel better about themselves. However, they soon realize there is always someone better, which undermines their self-worth. Whether you compare yourself to people who are worse off or better off, this habit will likely leave you feeling unfulfilled and damage your self-esteem. As the saying goes, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Instead compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Ask yourself what you can do today to get better. Small improvements everyday leads to big changes. Do not underestimate tiny everyday actions. 

    Characteristics of High Self-Esteem

    Contrary to what some may think, people with high self-esteem do not see themselves as perfect. They accept their flaws and are resilient, understanding that life has its ups and downs. They know that both good times and bad times are temporary. They employ techniques to boost their self-esteem, such as practicing mindfulness and gratitude. This can be as simple as being grateful for good health, feeling refreshed upon waking, or enjoying a morning coffee. People with high self-esteem stay present and observe things as they are. They focus on what they can control and do not worry about what is beyond their control. They learn from their mistakes and recognize that making mistakes is a natural part of life.

    Self-esteem is about accepting who you are right now and knowing that you can change for the better. It is a journey of growth and self-acceptance.

    Take care.

  • Finding Joy in Everyday Moments: Embrace the Little Things

    It’s the little things that matter the most. Have you ever heard that before? If so, have you thought about what it means? I have and after thinking about that statement for awhile, I come to realize this is true.

    The little things, the everyday moments that occupy most of our days, are what matter most. It’s not the fancy car or house nor the extravagant vacation that matters. It’s the sunrises and sunsets, the dinners with your family, the morning shower, hitting green lights on the way to work, and the coffee in the morning. The list goes on. These little moments, however insignificant they may seem, stack up and occupy much of your day. By enjoying these moments, you will live your life with daily joy. Conversely, if you wait for extraordinary moments to live your life —the vacations and weekend getaways— you’ll spend most of your time dreaming and anticipating.

    We’ve been sold a fantasy that an extraordinary life is the solution to our problems when, in fact, that is the problem. The fantasy is a mirage, a smoke screen, a fog that blinds you to your reality and makes you wonder instead of living your life. Don’t look ahead, checking off days on the calendar, thinking something better is about to come your way. Nothing is certain. Look right in front of you to notice what you actually have. Do not take it for granted.

    By being grateful, you can focus on what is important to you. You can be present in the moment and enjoy the everyday things in your life. Appreciating the everyday things in life prevents you from looking too far ahead and missing out on the present. It allows you to live your life every day and see what is right in front of you, enjoying every step toward your destination. Think about the last time you woke up and looked outside to appreciate your view and what you love about where you currently live. 

    Strive to find the wonder in your everyday world—the beautiful sunrise, the birds chirping, the hot shower, the magnificent smell of coffee, the savouring foods. Find pleasure in those everyday moments because they will be gone someday. Make your ordinary day come alive. The extraordinary days will come eventually, but you will have enjoyed the days in between, and those extraordinary days will be a pleasant surprise.

    Notice and appreciate the small moments in your daily life. By doing so, you’ll find greater joy and fulfillment every day.

    Take care.