Feel The Wave

Where you begin your personal growth journey.

Author: feelthewave2022

  • Being a Great Coach: 5 Essential Requirements

    There are some key requirements someone needs to be a great coach in a work environment. One of these essential requirements for being a great coach is to make the people around you better. This is accomplished by making them realize their true potential and make them believe in themselves. Below is a list of 5 definite requirements anybody needs to have to be a great coach. 

    Active listening

    A great coach must listen to understand and not listen to answer. They must pay attention to the words that are being said and understand the point of view of the other person, their concerns and what inspires them to act.

    Asking great questions

    A great coach asks great questions. Great questions are open-ended that encourage reflection and reveal new insights. It empowers the individual to find their own solutions and allows them to talk through their problems with themselves.

    Emotional Intelligence

    A great coach can relate to the other person and get a sense how they are feeling. They can adjust the conversation and questions accordingly. Emotional intelligence is not only focused on the other individual but yourself as well. It also allows control over their own emotions so they are focused on the individuals issue and not there own emotions. 

    Accountability

    A great coach holds the individual accountable for the actions they set out to accomplish. It’s about knowing the individual to push them beyond what they expect they can achieve but not too much they get discouraged. It’s a pull and push relationship.  A great coach will make it clear the work is done by the student and not the coach. 

    Concrete feedback

    Effective coaches will provide concrete, clear and concise feedback to individuals. They will highlight strengths and weaknesses to help the identify where improvement is necessary. They will not shy away from providing honest feedback when the individual is not performing well. 

    Those are five different key requirements a great coach embodies everyday. It focuses on the individual and not themselves. They listen attentively, ask thoughtful questions, hold the individual accountable and provide honest feedback. Those are a handful but there are plenty more. 

    Take care.

  • Six Japanese Technic to Follow and Be Better Than You Were Yesterday

    Life can be demanding, and at times, we feel stuck, as if we’re not making any progress. Often, we sense we’re not improving, which can be frustrating. To help you break free from that feeling, here are six Japanese techniques that can guide you toward becoming a better version of yourself each day.

    IKIGAI

    Discover your reason to live and your purpose in life. Find something that makes you want to wake up every day. With a clear purpose, you gain direction, eliminating the possibility of wandering aimlessly through the world. You might not see the end of the journey, but knowing the direction to go is all that matters.

    KAIZEN

    Focus on small improvements every day. Don’t focus on the bigger picture because it can overwhelm you with everything you need to do and learn. Start small and stack the small wins. Over time, those small wins will lead to bigger victories. Multiple large wins will turn you into a different person, much closer to where you want to be.

    POMODORO

    Work for 25 minutes without distraction and then take a 5-minute break. Distraction kills productivity. This method helps you stay focused for short periods and allows for regular breaks. You’ll get more done in a shorter amount of time. 

    HARA HACHI BU

    Don’t stuff yourself with food. When you’re 80% full, stop eating. When we eat until we’re full, we feel fatigued and slow down as our bodies digest. We don’t feel great when we’re overly full and sluggish. Therefore, stopping when you’re 80% full will keep your energy levels higher throughout the day.

    SHOSHIN

    Approach every task as if you were doing it for the first time. Keep the habit of learning, stay curious, and continue asking questions. Be in awe of the simple things. Appreciate small gestures—they will keep you young.

    WABI-SABI

    Embrace imperfection. Don’t try to make everything perfect. Perfection is unattainable. Do your best and share it with the world. Don’t stress over small details. There will always be something to tweak, but it’s better to take action than wait for the perfect moment.

    And there you have it—six Japanese techniques to help you improve day by day. Whether you start small or embrace them all, the key is to take action. Try one today and see the difference it can make. Remember, every small step counts on the path to self-improvement. Take care of yourself as you go on this journey

    Take care. 

  • There Is No Better Time Than Now

    We all experience moments in life when we strive to improve ourselves, whether that means breaking a bad habit like smoking, excessive drinking, or overeating. Once we decide to make a change, we often dive in headfirst, filled with enthusiasm and determination. Our motivation is at an all-time high; it’s exciting, and we can’t stop thinking about how we’re going to transform ourselves and how we’ll achieve it.

    Yet, after some time, we find ourselves slipping back into old habits. The initial excitement and motivation fade, leaving us with only discipline—which slowly diminishes until it’s gone altogether. By the time we realize it, we’ve been off track for a while, and instead of correcting course, we lose hope and stop trying.

    However, there’s something worse than trying to improve and not succeeding—it’s never starting at all. While failing teaches us valuable lessons and provides feedback, never beginning leaves us with nothing.

    As Seneca reminds us, fools share one common trait: “They are always getting ready to start. They are always getting ready to change. And then? They never do.” Before changing your habits, take the time to analyze what that change means for your day-to-day life. Ask yourself how it will affect you and what you can do to stay on track when things go wrong. Understand that real change requires effort—it demands that you become a different version of yourself.

    Breaking a long-standing bad habit is challenging because it’s comfortable and often tied to our identity. To make matters worse, even after beginning the process of change, one misstep can make you feel like you’re incapable of transformation. The mind craves comfort and predictability, but this is when you must remind yourself why you started. Relapsing may feel good in the moment, but you’ll regret it later.

    Once you’ve embarked on the path of change, it’s helpful to reflect on where you started and where you are now. Establish checkpoints to review your progress. This practice will inspire and encourage you to continue with positive changes. By reflecting, you can also evaluate what has worked well and what hasn’t. Remember, the progress you’ve made was once just a thought—now it’s your reality.

    As you build new habits, be mindful of the “valley of stagnation.” It may feel as if progress has slowed after a few weeks of steady improvement. This is where many people give up. Stay committed, knowing that if you continue to put in the work, you will eventually break through and see results. Focus on the process and the changes in your habits, rather than fixating on immediate outcomes.

    Don’t delay. Don’t procrastinate. Start now! Bring your future closer by taking action today—there is no better time than now.

    Take care. 

  • Forgiveness: A Path to Emotional Freedom

    In this life we get hurt, disappointed and heartbroken. It’s part of the human experience. There is also the opposite of these feelings such as joy, pleasantness and love. Without an opposite feeling we wouldn’t be able to explain what the emotion brings within us. If you haven’t felt or running away from the common emotions of being human such as sadness, joy and love than you are denying being human and that is not a great feeling!

    Realize that all humans are flawed and no one is perfect on this earth. Most of us have been on the receiving end or on the giving end of heartbreak. Depending on our experiences, we handle it in different ways. Whatever the experience, it does not mean the person giving it can take it or vice versa. Heartbreak is heartbreak, and if you are hurt or betrayed lean into the feeling. Explore it. Do not swat it away. Sigmund Freud explained it well when he said, “unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”

    It’s important not to repeat the hurt you fell onto others or to the person who hurt you. Marcus Aurelius said, “the best revenge for these kinds of things was to not be like that, to not be like the people who had done such a thing.” When writing about people who betray or hurt him.

    Of course this is easier said than done. You feel pain, the body is trembling and telling you need to release it somehow. The easiest way to do that is to bring hurt to the person who hurt you. Ask yourself , how will you feel afterwards. Possibly better for a brief period but longterm you will feel worse that you did initially. You will realize the outburst did not help you and at the same time, you hurt someone.

    There is no magical quick fix to relieve your broken heart or to remove the anger you feel. It takes time. It takes work. A lot of work with yourself to get over the pain. It takes forgiveness. Again, easier said than done because it’s difficult to forgive someone who hurt you and betrayed you.

    Betrayal is painful because its a violation of trust. We can feel embarrassed, humiliated, sad and angry. To mend any relationship when there is betrayal, there needs to be accountability and that’s hard to come by with the ego present. If that does not happen, as someone who was betrayed, there is a way to move past it and that is with forgiveness.

    Forgiveness frees you from the control of the individual who harmed you. When we forgive, we let space for understanding and compassion by removing the matter that occupied your mind based on anger, depression or embarrassment. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened. Harm was done and that is inexcusable. But in some cases, the person who harmed you will not take responsibility. Instead of wasting your time trying to convince them they hurt you, forgiving them releases you from their grip so you can move on.

    If you were betrayed and are still focused on the person who harmed you, ask yourself why that is? You have the control to stay or go. You have the choice to seek revenge or to seek forgiveness.

    Take care.     

  • Letting Go of Perfection: A Path to Growth

    What does it mean to be perfect? Does it mean being flawless, admired by everyone, and free from worry? Perfection has many standards and is highly subjective, differing for each individual. What may seem perfect to one person might not be the same for another. So, how can we measure perfection if it varies from one person to the next? If we all have different definitions, then perfection itself becomes unattainable.

    We should embrace imperfection and focus on the process rather than aiming for perfect outcomes. During the process, we should strive to do our best and be willing to share the results, no matter how imperfect they may be. Focusing too much on small details, especially when trying something new, can hold us back. It’s better to take action now than to wait for the perfect moment, as there is much more to be learned from action than from inaction.

    You need to realize that your mistakes do not define you, and that perfection stifles curiosity. If you believe something must be done perfectly, you may feel there’s no point in trying at all. This mindset can lead to missed opportunities, fuelled by a lack of confidence. 

    Perfectionism can break you down, causing anxiety and stress. As Brené Brown writes in Atlas of the Heart, “Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking.” Shame arises because when we aim for perfection and inevitably fall short, we feel as though we’ve failed. We often believe we could have done better. Perfectionism focuses on what others think of us—something entirely out of our control. While we can’t escape feelings of shame, embarrassment, or judgment, we can use these emotions to guide us in a healthier direction. By acknowledging their presence, we lessen their power over us. As Brown notes, “Life paralysis” refers to all the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out into the world that could be imperfect. Don’t let perfection control your life.

    Letting go of perfection and embracing curiosity is key. Curiosity allows you to shift your mindset from “I should be able to do this” to “Why can’t I do this?” It changes the narrative from “If I can’t do it exceptionally well, there’s no point in trying” to “What am I missing to achieve this?” This shift helps you view failures as learning opportunities. Cultivating a mindset of self-improvement means focusing on yourself, rather than worrying about what others might think. Focus on what you can control.

    Remember, no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes—no one escapes that in life.

    Take care. 

  • Understanding Emotions: Embracing All Feelings for Personal Growth

    Imagine a world without emotions. How would that look? It would resemble a dystopia, where humanlike robots walk around devoid of smiles, connection, or feeling. Emotions are part of being human and we need to experience every emotion that the human body produces. We can’t pick and choose the emotions we want to experience while discarding the others. Life doesn’t work that way. All emotions are essential and are within us for a reason. The good, the bad, the ugly. 

    Dr. Becky Kennedy “reminds parents that it’s impossible to simply remove your children’s uncomfortable feelings. You can’t tell them to stuff them down. You can’t gaslight them into thinking they aren’t there. You can’t make like so wonderful and fun that they’re never sad or angry or jealous or frustrated.” This advice applies not just to children but to everyone. We need to understand that what we feel is normal. When we understand that these feelings are part of being human and don’t set us apart from others, we can better cope with our emotions. We will become more knowledgeable and with more knowledge we can get better control. 

    Understanding our emotions doesn’t mean everything will be easy. Some feelings are hard to handle, but they’re necessary. They are a message from our body and we need to learn the meaning of those messages. Before we can teach others, like parents teaching children, how to regulate emotions, we need to learn our own. We need to know what are our triggers when we feel joy, anger and sadness and what are our reactions. The underlying response to our emotions starts the same way via chemical reactions. Although it starts the same way for all of us the response to the feeling is what is unique about it. Understand why you react a particular way once you feel an emotion.

    The emotions will come whether we suppress them or not. It’s important to explore the feelings even though it’s uncomfortable and dreadful. It might be easier to ignore the reactions and emotions in the short term but catastrophic in the long term. If children suppress their emotions, they’ll be unprepared for the challenges of life. And trust me, it will get tough. Dr. Becky Kennedy writes, “Adults whose childhood were focused mostly on happiness are not only unprepared for tough moments, they experience more discomfort in those tough moments because deep down they think they’re doing something wrong if they can’t find the ‘happy’ and get themselves to a better place.”

    It’s never too late to learn about yourself, but it might take time if you haven’t reflected on your emotions for a while, or ever. Regardless, it takes time to understand why you react a certain way, what triggers you and understand why others react differently than you. We are unique individuals with different experiences therefore the world we live in affects us differently. If you are fed up with the way you react to certain situations, write out how you felt and how you reacted. Discover yourself and find those patterns. 

    Emotions are there to guide us. If you understand what your emotions mean, you’ll likely know how to control them and why they’re present. You don’t need to be a robot. Be human and experience everything it has to offer which includes all emotions, the comfortable and uncomfortable ones. 

    Take care. 

     

  • The Courage to Be Different: Be the Red Thread

    We live in a world driven by attention and likes. We often focus on seeking others’ approval, posting photos that say, ‘Look at me. See how interesting I am. Agree with me. Like me.’ This leads to an unfulfilled life, one that’s dependent on external validation.

    Don’t stand out to be famous or loved by everyone; stand out because you do what you love in your own way. Stand out because you are unique. Just be yourself. Don’t seek attention, but strive to improve what you enjoy every day. Resist the flow of the crowd. Be different. As Agrippinus said to another philosopher, ‘Be the red thread in the sweater, the one that makes the garment beautiful.’

    Being different and going against the flow isn’t easy. It comes with the cost of others looking at you differently, judging, and belittling you. But if you’re able to withstand the initial judgment, it becomes easier, and eventually, it fades. However, this is easier said than done. It takes courage and self-confidence to overcome the judgment.

    The first challenge is facing criticism when you start changing for the better and standing out from others. When people notice your differences, critics emerge, projecting their insecurities onto you in an attempt to bring you down. They envy your confidence in being unique, your courage to be the red thread. Deep down, they wish they had the same resilience to face criticism without letting it affect them.

    Criticism often comes from unexpected places, like those you love and trust most—your family and closest friends. Their criticism isn’t because they don’t want you to succeed; it’s because they fear you might fail, get hurt, or look foolish.

    There will be friends who want you to fail. Don’t take this as a blow, but as a blessing. Being true to yourself helps you weed out fake friends—those who stayed around because of how they benefited from you, not because they valued you for who you are.

    Remember, the people who love you only want to protect you and wish the best for you. Once they see you’re serious about changing and notice the positive impact it has on you, they’ll ease their grip on judgment and criticism. The tension will lift. However, judgment will always be lurking, not just from others but also from within. Trust the process.

    Take care. 

  • Reframe Your Mindset: The Case for Baseline Optimism

    The first of everything is always nerve wrecking. There’s a million thoughts that go through our mind. We think how it will play out over and over. That can be a first date, first day on the job, first time presenting. Whatever it may be, it’s on our minds, a lot.

    When you’re in this type of situation think about how it’ll be a great day. Before stepping into a presentation, remind yourself that you’ll be okay. When meeting someone new, focus on how much you’re going to like them, avoiding judgment. In the face of challenges, tell yourself, ‘It’s going to work out.’ There are situations in life that we sometimes dread or misunderstand. James Clear wisely said, ‘Whenever you go into a situation, try to keep a mindset of baseline optimism.’ Think positively, and chances are, positive outcomes will follow.

    You might face some challenges, but those would have arisen regardless. Entering any situation with baseline optimism sets you up for success. James Clear continues, stating that his ‘preference is to assume [he is] on a winning path until proven otherwise.’ It’s a much healthier mindset than assuming defeat from the start. Walk in with your head held high and positive thoughts, which will give you the confidence and drive to excel. But don’t forget to put in effort—without it, you’re setting yourself up to fail. 

    Any new or unexpected situation makes you hesitate and consider the risks of continuing. Your mind treats these situations as potential threats, putting you on high alert to evaluate everything that could go wrong. It pushes you to search for ways to avoid them. Often, this stems from a fear of embarrassment or humiliation from past experiences. Sometimes this relates to stories from friends, social media or movies that resonated with you. While your mind is trying to protect you, it’s important to recognize that you’re not facing imminent danger.

    Once you become aware of this pattern, you can take control of your mind and flip the script. Rather than walking away, embrace the challenge. Shift your perspective and approach situations with baseline optimism. By reframing your mindset to, ‘I will be great. This will be rewarding. I will learn something. This is exciting. It will be a good experience,’ you’ve already won the first step.

    Starting something new is often the scariest part because we fear the unknown. But once you begin, you gradually become more comfortable. You don’t need to dive in headfirst—you just need to take the first step. We may hesitate, explore, and second-guess ourselves, but eventually, you must take action. With each step, the next one becomes easier, and over time, you’ll feel more at ease in uncertain situations. Begin with baseline optimism.

    Start each new journey with a foundation of optimism, and watch how your confidence grows.

    Take care. 

  • Information Overload: How Fragmented Media Shapes Our Worldview

    Gone are the days when most people relied on the same sources—newspapers or evening news on radio or TV—for world events. Back then, everyone accessed the same information, allowing for discussions that helped gauge others’ thoughts and feelings. While people had different opinions, there was a shared understanding of how things worked. ‘Agreeing to disagree’ once meant respecting differing viewpoints without hostility.

    Today, there are thousands of information sources, accessible from anywhere, on any topic. This has led to diverse knowledge bases and fragmented our sense of unity within physical communities. Instead, like-minded individuals have migrated to online spaces where information isn’t always accurate. In this environment, it’s harder to discern what’s real, and what isn’t, validating only one’s perspectives.

    Social media algorithms can trap you in an environment where only one viewpoint is shown, making it harder to accept opposing opinions. Over time, you may question your own beliefs and eventually accept the dominant narrative of your online bubble. When you interact with people in your physical community, their differing perspectives might lead you to question their credibility or view them as misinformed.

    This disconnect isn’t limited to communities—it extends to workplaces, stores, and other social settings. Disagreements in the real world can feel strange and unfamiliar. We’ve become unaccustomed to reading body language or maintaining eye contact in debates. We struggle with face-to-face discussions and have lost the art of agreeing to disagree, reducing conversations to a matter of right versus wrong.

    This division fosters the belief that disagreement means opposition, turning others into enemies. Seeking validation, we often retreat to online communities that echo our beliefs, reinforcing our sense of righteousness and making it easy to feel we’re always right.

    Today, countless online communities validate our thoughts, making it hard to accept being wrong. We’ve regressed to a tribal mindset, where each group clings to its own beliefs and traditions. Yet, unlike ancient tribes, we struggle to remain open-minded. Historically, tribes would listen to others and adopt better practices, embracing change for the greater good.

    We all have the right to our own opinions, beliefs, and preferences. But we must also be willing to accept those of others. Understanding different perspectives and staying open-minded is crucial, even when we don’t agree. We need to consider information that challenges our beliefs and be open to questioning our views. Personal growth depends on accepting the possibility of being wrong and embracing change, even when it feels uncomfortable. Just as societies evolve, so too must our perspectives. We must restore a sense of physical community and foster open, honest conversations about the world around us. A better future begins with us as individuals.

    Take care. 

  • Rethinking Normal: Why Embracing Individuality Matters

    Do we really want things to be “normal”? Do we want to live in a world where everyone does the exact same things? Do we want everything to stay the same? I know I don’t. So why do we think that being normal is a good thing?

    Most likely, it’s because predictability makes us feel safe. We are comforted by knowing how people will react in certain situations. Our brains crave certainty—they love to anticipate what’s ahead. It’s hard to override this instinct and not judge others who are different from us. This is human nature. Our minds are wired to keep us safe.

    We all want to be part of something. We want to be loved and cared for. We don’t want to be excluded from the pack, so we try to fit in. We assume that what benefits the group is what’s “normal.” But who decides what is normal?

    If I asked one hundred people to describe a “normal” life or day, would I get the same answer from each of them? I doubt it—especially when it comes to a normal day. The responses would likely be one hundred different versions. For a “normal life,” we might find common themes: strong relationships, love, helping others, health, and success.

    At the core, we all strive for similar things. The end goals are often the same, but the processes to achieve them differ. Each of us is shaped by unique experiences, so our paths naturally vary. Even life partners might share the same goals but take different routes to get there. Imagine two people traveling on the same road but stopping at different points along the way.

    There is no universal norm. What seems “normal” to one person might be entirely different for another. People might engage in similar actions or dress alike, but their internal perceptions and experiences are unique. Outward appearances can be deceiving.

    So why not embrace who we are? Why worry about being “normal”? After all, no one truly is.

    Take care.