Feel The Wave

Where you begin your personal growth journey.

Category: Uncategorized

  • The Journey to Self-Confidence: Questions to Transform Yourself

    We all have it. It’s already inside us. For some, it bursts at the seams, while for others, it appears as though they don’t have an ounce of it, tucked away deep within their minds. It’s often camouflaged by other problems and self-conscious thoughts, leaving no space for it to breathe or rise to the forefront.

    I’m talking about self-confidence. It’s a natural part of being human. The programming is already there; it’s just a matter of finding it and activating it.

    Some people had little to no self-confidence as children, yet as adults, they walk into every room with their heads held high, smiling and acknowledging everyone they meet. You can sense their confident energy. On the other hand, the reverse can happen. A young person brimming with confidence might lose it as they grow older.

    For some, self-confidence isn’t easily noticeable from the outside. They know themselves so well that it only becomes apparent through their words or daily actions.

    Whether it shows externally or not, self-confidence resides within each of us. The key is learning how to harness its power, which makes all the difference. But how can you start harnessing self-confidence? Asking yourself a few reflective questions can help:

    • What do you like most about yourself?
    • What makes you feel proud of yourself?
    • What makes you, you?
    • What actions bring you joy or happiness?
    • When do you feel the most loved?
    • Why do you think others love you?

    By answering these six questions, you’ll uncover what makes you unique and what brings you happiness. Build on those answers. Keep them close, and revisit them whenever you feel down.

    The road to self-confidence is a winding journey, full of peaks and valleys. To sustain it, you need to keep working on yourself. Self-confidence isn’t a destination; it’s an ongoing process. The further you go, the easier it becomes, as you gain more experience in understanding who you are and what brings you joy. When you know what you want, you also know when to say no.

    So, what are you waiting for? Answer the six questions and watch yourself grow into the self-confident person you were meant to be.

    Take care.

  • The Key to a Fulfilling Life: Focus on What Matters Most

    In times of sickness, all that matters is getting better. That becomes the number one priority. However, if we are informed that the illness will inevitably take us and we come to accept this fate, our focus shifts. It is no longer about recovery but about our loved ones. We strive to spend as much time with them as we can.

    For those who are unfortunate enough to have no loved ones at the end of their lives, the focus often turns inward. They reflect on their life and dwell on what they didn’t do right. Regrets surface—regrets of leaving behind important relationships, of dismissing people they once cared about, of assuming someone wasn’t worth their time.

    Wherever you are in your life—whether you are sick or healthy, young or old—remember that relationships are the key to living a fulfilling life. It’s not material possessions that create a great life; it’s people. People who love you for who you are and what you stand for—not for your wealth, the money in your bank account, or the house and cars you own.

    A compelling example of this comes from the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest study of happiness in history. Begun in 1938, this study initially followed 268 Harvard-educated men and later expanded to include a second cohort of 456 participants from more diverse backgrounds. These individuals were evaluated at least every two years using questionnaires, with the goal of identifying predictors of healthy aging. The main conclusion was clear: having strong, meaningful relationships throughout one’s life has the greatest positive impact on life satisfaction.

    At the end of their lives, most people don’t dwell on their accomplishments. They won’t wish for a U-Haul filled with their possessions parked beside their deathbed. Instead, they’ll want to be surrounded by the people they love. They’ll crave human connection—those moments of love with their family and closest friends. Even the likes and comments that seem so important on social media will fade into insignificance.

    If today were your last day on earth, what would you do? Ask yourself this question from time to time to clarify what truly matters to you. Focus on those things. Be grateful for them. Cherish them.

    This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals, dreams, or material possessions, nor does it mean you should let go of your ambitions. It’s about balance. It’s about not sacrificing meaningful relationships for the sake of materialism.

    Take care.

  • Mastering Calm: Why Responding in Anger Doesn’t Work

    We don’t all have great days in our lives. Sometimes, life gets tough, and we find ourselves stuck in a vortex of misery, wondering when it will all end. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows in this world. Conversely, there are days when everything seems to work in our favour. That’s life—a blend of fortunate and unfortunate events. Some are self-inflicted, while others are completely out of our control.

    For instance, bad weather might cause a flood in the basement, or a tree might fall on your car. On the other hand, there are things within our control that we sometimes mishandle, like yelling at someone or telling a lie. Then, there are trivial matters—like the grocery store running out of your favourite food or hitting every red light on your commute—that we allow to upset us unnecessarily. These reactions often stem from a disconnect with our core values and an unhealthy focus on what we can’t control.

    Some people seem unable to look the other way. To them, everything they see or hear feels like a personal attack. Pessimistic and grumpiness, they share certain tendencies: they get easily frustrated, furious, and angry, and they respond that way. They wonder why life never seems to go their way, unaware that the only thing they truly control is their own behaviour. Responding with anger doesn’t help them—or anyone else. In fact, it only worsens the situation.

    What does anger accomplish when someone cuts you off in traffic? What does it achieve when your child doesn’t listen? Not much. It’s natural to feel anger, frustration, or fury when your values are challenged. However, feeling anger and responding to it are two entirely different things. Anger is a natural bodily response, but how we respond to it is entirely within our control.

    Anger doesn’t offer clarity or creativity. It doesn’t inspire compassion or forgiveness. Instead, it fuels revenge, hatred, and sadness. When we respond in anger, we muddy the waters, but calmness has the power to clear them.

    When your values feel threatened, you need your full mental capacity to respond effectively. This requires self-control, strategic thinking, and courage. To handle these moments with authenticity and intent, you must bring out the best version of yourself.

    The next time you feel anger rising within you, pause. Let go of the instinctive, angry response. Take a step back, reflect, and approach the situation with a clear and open mind. You’ll feel much better afterward.

    Take care. 

  • Rethinking Normal: Why Embracing Individuality Matters

    Do we really want things to be “normal”? Do we want to live in a world where everyone does the exact same things? Do we want everything to stay the same? I know I don’t. So why do we think that being normal is a good thing?

    Most likely, it’s because predictability makes us feel safe. We are comforted by knowing how people will react in certain situations. Our brains crave certainty—they love to anticipate what’s ahead. It’s hard to override this instinct and not judge others who are different from us. This is human nature. Our minds are wired to keep us safe.

    We all want to be part of something. We want to be loved and cared for. We don’t want to be excluded from the pack, so we try to fit in. We assume that what benefits the group is what’s “normal.” But who decides what is normal?

    If I asked one hundred people to describe a “normal” life or day, would I get the same answer from each of them? I doubt it—especially when it comes to a normal day. The responses would likely be one hundred different versions. For a “normal life,” we might find common themes: strong relationships, love, helping others, health, and success.

    At the core, we all strive for similar things. The end goals are often the same, but the processes to achieve them differ. Each of us is shaped by unique experiences, so our paths naturally vary. Even life partners might share the same goals but take different routes to get there. Imagine two people traveling on the same road but stopping at different points along the way.

    There is no universal norm. What seems “normal” to one person might be entirely different for another. People might engage in similar actions or dress alike, but their internal perceptions and experiences are unique. Outward appearances can be deceiving.

    So why not embrace who we are? Why worry about being “normal”? After all, no one truly is.

    Take care. 

  • Reframe Your Mindset: The Case for Baseline Optimism

    The first of everything is always nerve wrecking. There’s a million thoughts that go through our mind. We think how it will play out over and over. That can be a first date, first day on the job, first time presenting. Whatever it may be, it’s on our minds, a lot.

    When you’re in this type of situation think about how it’ll be a great day. Before stepping into a presentation, remind yourself that you’ll be okay. When meeting someone new, focus on how much you’re going to like them, avoiding judgment. In the face of challenges, tell yourself, ‘It’s going to work out.’ There are situations in life that we sometimes dread or misunderstand. James Clear wisely said, ‘Whenever you go into a situation, try to keep a mindset of baseline optimism.’ Think positively, and chances are, positive outcomes will follow.

    You might face some challenges, but those would have arisen regardless. Entering any situation with baseline optimism sets you up for success. James Clear continues, stating that his ‘preference is to assume [he is] on a winning path until proven otherwise.’ It’s a much healthier mindset than assuming defeat from the start. Walk in with your head held high and positive thoughts, which will give you the confidence and drive to excel. But don’t forget to put in effort—without it, you’re setting yourself up to fail. 

    Any new or unexpected situation makes you hesitate and consider the risks of continuing. Your mind treats these situations as potential threats, putting you on high alert to evaluate everything that could go wrong. It pushes you to search for ways to avoid them. Often, this stems from a fear of embarrassment or humiliation from past experiences. Sometimes this relates to stories from friends, social media or movies that resonated with you. While your mind is trying to protect you, it’s important to recognize that you’re not facing imminent danger.

    Once you become aware of this pattern, you can take control of your mind and flip the script. Rather than walking away, embrace the challenge. Shift your perspective and approach situations with baseline optimism. By reframing your mindset to, ‘I will be great. This will be rewarding. I will learn something. This is exciting. It will be a good experience,’ you’ve already won the first step.

    Starting something new is often the scariest part because we fear the unknown. But once you begin, you gradually become more comfortable. You don’t need to dive in headfirst—you just need to take the first step. We may hesitate, explore, and second-guess ourselves, but eventually, you must take action. With each step, the next one becomes easier, and over time, you’ll feel more at ease in uncertain situations. Begin with baseline optimism.

    Start each new journey with a foundation of optimism, and watch how your confidence grows.

    Take care. 

  • The Courage to Be Different: Be the Red Thread

    We live in a world driven by attention and likes. We often focus on seeking others’ approval, posting photos that say, ‘Look at me. See how interesting I am. Agree with me. Like me.’ This leads to an unfulfilled life, one that’s dependent on external validation.

    Don’t stand out to be famous or loved by everyone; stand out because you do what you love in your own way. Stand out because you are unique. Just be yourself. Don’t seek attention, but strive to improve what you enjoy every day. Resist the flow of the crowd. Be different. As Agrippinus said to another philosopher, ‘Be the red thread in the sweater, the one that makes the garment beautiful.’

    Being different and going against the flow isn’t easy. It comes with the cost of others looking at you differently, judging, and belittling you. But if you’re able to withstand the initial judgment, it becomes easier, and eventually, it fades. However, this is easier said than done. It takes courage and self-confidence to overcome the judgment.

    The first challenge is facing criticism when you start changing for the better and standing out from others. When people notice your differences, critics emerge, projecting their insecurities onto you in an attempt to bring you down. They envy your confidence in being unique, your courage to be the red thread. Deep down, they wish they had the same resilience to face criticism without letting it affect them.

    Criticism often comes from unexpected places, like those you love and trust most—your family and closest friends. Their criticism isn’t because they don’t want you to succeed; it’s because they fear you might fail, get hurt, or look foolish.

    There will be friends who want you to fail. Don’t take this as a blow, but as a blessing. Being true to yourself helps you weed out fake friends—those who stayed around because of how they benefited from you, not because they valued you for who you are.

    Remember, the people who love you only want to protect you and wish the best for you. Once they see you’re serious about changing and notice the positive impact it has on you, they’ll ease their grip on judgment and criticism. The tension will lift. However, judgment will always be lurking, not just from others but also from within. Trust the process.

    Take care. 

  • Understanding Emotions: Embracing All Feelings for Personal Growth

    Imagine a world without emotions. How would that look? It would resemble a dystopia, where humanlike robots walk around devoid of smiles, connection, or feeling. Emotions are part of being human and we need to experience every emotion that the human body produces. We can’t pick and choose the emotions we want to experience while discarding the others. Life doesn’t work that way. All emotions are essential and are within us for a reason. The good, the bad, the ugly. 

    Dr. Becky Kennedy “reminds parents that it’s impossible to simply remove your children’s uncomfortable feelings. You can’t tell them to stuff them down. You can’t gaslight them into thinking they aren’t there. You can’t make like so wonderful and fun that they’re never sad or angry or jealous or frustrated.” This advice applies not just to children but to everyone. We need to understand that what we feel is normal. When we understand that these feelings are part of being human and don’t set us apart from others, we can better cope with our emotions. We will become more knowledgeable and with more knowledge we can get better control. 

    Understanding our emotions doesn’t mean everything will be easy. Some feelings are hard to handle, but they’re necessary. They are a message from our body and we need to learn the meaning of those messages. Before we can teach others, like parents teaching children, how to regulate emotions, we need to learn our own. We need to know what are our triggers when we feel joy, anger and sadness and what are our reactions. The underlying response to our emotions starts the same way via chemical reactions. Although it starts the same way for all of us the response to the feeling is what is unique about it. Understand why you react a particular way once you feel an emotion.

    The emotions will come whether we suppress them or not. It’s important to explore the feelings even though it’s uncomfortable and dreadful. It might be easier to ignore the reactions and emotions in the short term but catastrophic in the long term. If children suppress their emotions, they’ll be unprepared for the challenges of life. And trust me, it will get tough. Dr. Becky Kennedy writes, “Adults whose childhood were focused mostly on happiness are not only unprepared for tough moments, they experience more discomfort in those tough moments because deep down they think they’re doing something wrong if they can’t find the ‘happy’ and get themselves to a better place.”

    It’s never too late to learn about yourself, but it might take time if you haven’t reflected on your emotions for a while, or ever. Regardless, it takes time to understand why you react a certain way, what triggers you and understand why others react differently than you. We are unique individuals with different experiences therefore the world we live in affects us differently. If you are fed up with the way you react to certain situations, write out how you felt and how you reacted. Discover yourself and find those patterns. 

    Emotions are there to guide us. If you understand what your emotions mean, you’ll likely know how to control them and why they’re present. You don’t need to be a robot. Be human and experience everything it has to offer which includes all emotions, the comfortable and uncomfortable ones. 

    Take care. 

     

  • Letting Go of Perfection: A Path to Growth

    What does it mean to be perfect? Does it mean being flawless, admired by everyone, and free from worry? Perfection has many standards and is highly subjective, differing for each individual. What may seem perfect to one person might not be the same for another. So, how can we measure perfection if it varies from one person to the next? If we all have different definitions, then perfection itself becomes unattainable.

    We should embrace imperfection and focus on the process rather than aiming for perfect outcomes. During the process, we should strive to do our best and be willing to share the results, no matter how imperfect they may be. Focusing too much on small details, especially when trying something new, can hold us back. It’s better to take action now than to wait for the perfect moment, as there is much more to be learned from action than from inaction.

    You need to realize that your mistakes do not define you, and that perfection stifles curiosity. If you believe something must be done perfectly, you may feel there’s no point in trying at all. This mindset can lead to missed opportunities, fuelled by a lack of confidence. 

    Perfectionism can break you down, causing anxiety and stress. As Brené Brown writes in Atlas of the Heart, “Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking.” Shame arises because when we aim for perfection and inevitably fall short, we feel as though we’ve failed. We often believe we could have done better. Perfectionism focuses on what others think of us—something entirely out of our control. While we can’t escape feelings of shame, embarrassment, or judgment, we can use these emotions to guide us in a healthier direction. By acknowledging their presence, we lessen their power over us. As Brown notes, “Life paralysis” refers to all the opportunities we miss because we’re too afraid to put anything out into the world that could be imperfect. Don’t let perfection control your life.

    Letting go of perfection and embracing curiosity is key. Curiosity allows you to shift your mindset from “I should be able to do this” to “Why can’t I do this?” It changes the narrative from “If I can’t do it exceptionally well, there’s no point in trying” to “What am I missing to achieve this?” This shift helps you view failures as learning opportunities. Cultivating a mindset of self-improvement means focusing on yourself, rather than worrying about what others might think. Focus on what you can control.

    Remember, no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes—no one escapes that in life.

    Take care. 

  • Forgiveness: A Path to Emotional Freedom

    In this life we get hurt, disappointed and heartbroken. It’s part of the human experience. There is also the opposite of these feelings such as joy, pleasantness and love. Without an opposite feeling we wouldn’t be able to explain what the emotion brings within us. If you haven’t felt or running away from the common emotions of being human such as sadness, joy and love than you are denying being human and that is not a great feeling!

    Realize that all humans are flawed and no one is perfect on this earth. Most of us have been on the receiving end or on the giving end of heartbreak. Depending on our experiences, we handle it in different ways. Whatever the experience, it does not mean the person giving it can take it or vice versa. Heartbreak is heartbreak, and if you are hurt or betrayed lean into the feeling. Explore it. Do not swat it away. Sigmund Freud explained it well when he said, “unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”

    It’s important not to repeat the hurt you fell onto others or to the person who hurt you. Marcus Aurelius said, “the best revenge for these kinds of things was to not be like that, to not be like the people who had done such a thing.” When writing about people who betray or hurt him.

    Of course this is easier said than done. You feel pain, the body is trembling and telling you need to release it somehow. The easiest way to do that is to bring hurt to the person who hurt you. Ask yourself , how will you feel afterwards. Possibly better for a brief period but longterm you will feel worse that you did initially. You will realize the outburst did not help you and at the same time, you hurt someone.

    There is no magical quick fix to relieve your broken heart or to remove the anger you feel. It takes time. It takes work. A lot of work with yourself to get over the pain. It takes forgiveness. Again, easier said than done because it’s difficult to forgive someone who hurt you and betrayed you.

    Betrayal is painful because its a violation of trust. We can feel embarrassed, humiliated, sad and angry. To mend any relationship when there is betrayal, there needs to be accountability and that’s hard to come by with the ego present. If that does not happen, as someone who was betrayed, there is a way to move past it and that is with forgiveness.

    Forgiveness frees you from the control of the individual who harmed you. When we forgive, we let space for understanding and compassion by removing the matter that occupied your mind based on anger, depression or embarrassment. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened. Harm was done and that is inexcusable. But in some cases, the person who harmed you will not take responsibility. Instead of wasting your time trying to convince them they hurt you, forgiving them releases you from their grip so you can move on.

    If you were betrayed and are still focused on the person who harmed you, ask yourself why that is? You have the control to stay or go. You have the choice to seek revenge or to seek forgiveness.

    Take care.     

  • There Is No Better Time Than Now

    We all experience moments in life when we strive to improve ourselves, whether that means breaking a bad habit like smoking, excessive drinking, or overeating. Once we decide to make a change, we often dive in headfirst, filled with enthusiasm and determination. Our motivation is at an all-time high; it’s exciting, and we can’t stop thinking about how we’re going to transform ourselves and how we’ll achieve it.

    Yet, after some time, we find ourselves slipping back into old habits. The initial excitement and motivation fade, leaving us with only discipline—which slowly diminishes until it’s gone altogether. By the time we realize it, we’ve been off track for a while, and instead of correcting course, we lose hope and stop trying.

    However, there’s something worse than trying to improve and not succeeding—it’s never starting at all. While failing teaches us valuable lessons and provides feedback, never beginning leaves us with nothing.

    As Seneca reminds us, fools share one common trait: “They are always getting ready to start. They are always getting ready to change. And then? They never do.” Before changing your habits, take the time to analyze what that change means for your day-to-day life. Ask yourself how it will affect you and what you can do to stay on track when things go wrong. Understand that real change requires effort—it demands that you become a different version of yourself.

    Breaking a long-standing bad habit is challenging because it’s comfortable and often tied to our identity. To make matters worse, even after beginning the process of change, one misstep can make you feel like you’re incapable of transformation. The mind craves comfort and predictability, but this is when you must remind yourself why you started. Relapsing may feel good in the moment, but you’ll regret it later.

    Once you’ve embarked on the path of change, it’s helpful to reflect on where you started and where you are now. Establish checkpoints to review your progress. This practice will inspire and encourage you to continue with positive changes. By reflecting, you can also evaluate what has worked well and what hasn’t. Remember, the progress you’ve made was once just a thought—now it’s your reality.

    As you build new habits, be mindful of the “valley of stagnation.” It may feel as if progress has slowed after a few weeks of steady improvement. This is where many people give up. Stay committed, knowing that if you continue to put in the work, you will eventually break through and see results. Focus on the process and the changes in your habits, rather than fixating on immediate outcomes.

    Don’t delay. Don’t procrastinate. Start now! Bring your future closer by taking action today—there is no better time than now.

    Take care.