Feel The Wave

Where you begin your personal growth journey.

Tag: Self discovery

  • Understanding the Process of Emotions: A Guide to Navigating Your Feelings

    Humans are action-oriented beings and fundamentally function in similar ways. When a situation occurs, humans react to it, then contemplate how the reaction feels and determine what action is best suited to act upon that feeling. These steps can happen within milliseconds of each other. The mind is quick to react, contemplate, and take action, sometimes to the point where you are only consciously aware you’ve taken action after it’s done. You want to be aware before the action is done and that entails managing and understandings emotions.

    The first step in the process of emotions is the reaction. It is what you feel inside yourself. It can be an overwhelming sensation of joy, happiness, sadness, or anger that only you are aware of. These reactions come up quickly and cannot be swayed one way or another. It’s a function of the body that is out of our control. It’s difficult to be conscious about them, and if you haven’t realized, the subconscious mind and the body work together to figure out the emotion. Once the reaction is clear, subconsciously or consciously, then comes the time to contemplate how to act.

    The mind then asks what to do with the emotion and what is the best way to release it into the world. Are you going to jump up for joy, hug another person, cry, or yell at someone? This is lightning-speed processing, and once your mind decides the best course of action, it lets the body know what to do and you will take action. Ask yourself if you are self-aware how your body is reacting. 

    The action taken is visible to the outside environment. What the environment sees is the output of the reaction and contemplation. You are now broadcasting your emotions to the world, where others will interpret your action. They will conclude how you channeled your emotions into physical output and, in turn, go through the same process of emotion you went through to determine if they should smile, laugh, cry, etc.

    The process of emotions is happening constantly, and everyone follows the same process. However, the length between contemplation and action can be controlled, and this is what makes the difference between individuals. Some people can increase the time between contemplation and action, resulting in a longer review period of their choices and possibly better choices.

    It takes self-awareness to be able to control your actions. You can only control your actions if you have had time to process the pros and cons of the outcomes of the actions. Take the time to know yourself and understand what triggers you positively and negatively. Reflect on the times you regretted your actions. This will enable you to foreshadow your negative actions based on reactions and possibly change their course. It takes time to change, and change for the better is always warranted, whether it takes a month or years. Victor E. Frankl said “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

    Take care. 

  • The Courage to Be Different: Be the Red Thread

    We live in a world driven by attention and likes. We often focus on seeking others’ approval, posting photos that say, ‘Look at me. See how interesting I am. Agree with me. Like me.’ This leads to an unfulfilled life, one that’s dependent on external validation.

    Don’t stand out to be famous or loved by everyone; stand out because you do what you love in your own way. Stand out because you are unique. Just be yourself. Don’t seek attention, but strive to improve what you enjoy every day. Resist the flow of the crowd. Be different. As Agrippinus said to another philosopher, ‘Be the red thread in the sweater, the one that makes the garment beautiful.’

    Being different and going against the flow isn’t easy. It comes with the cost of others looking at you differently, judging, and belittling you. But if you’re able to withstand the initial judgment, it becomes easier, and eventually, it fades. However, this is easier said than done. It takes courage and self-confidence to overcome the judgment.

    The first challenge is facing criticism when you start changing for the better and standing out from others. When people notice your differences, critics emerge, projecting their insecurities onto you in an attempt to bring you down. They envy your confidence in being unique, your courage to be the red thread. Deep down, they wish they had the same resilience to face criticism without letting it affect them.

    Criticism often comes from unexpected places, like those you love and trust most—your family and closest friends. Their criticism isn’t because they don’t want you to succeed; it’s because they fear you might fail, get hurt, or look foolish.

    There will be friends who want you to fail. Don’t take this as a blow, but as a blessing. Being true to yourself helps you weed out fake friends—those who stayed around because of how they benefited from you, not because they valued you for who you are.

    Remember, the people who love you only want to protect you and wish the best for you. Once they see you’re serious about changing and notice the positive impact it has on you, they’ll ease their grip on judgment and criticism. The tension will lift. However, judgment will always be lurking, not just from others but also from within. Trust the process.

    Take care. 

  • Understanding Emotions: Embracing All Feelings for Personal Growth

    Imagine a world without emotions. How would that look? It would resemble a dystopia, where humanlike robots walk around devoid of smiles, connection, or feeling. Emotions are part of being human and we need to experience every emotion that the human body produces. We can’t pick and choose the emotions we want to experience while discarding the others. Life doesn’t work that way. All emotions are essential and are within us for a reason. The good, the bad, the ugly. 

    Dr. Becky Kennedy “reminds parents that it’s impossible to simply remove your children’s uncomfortable feelings. You can’t tell them to stuff them down. You can’t gaslight them into thinking they aren’t there. You can’t make like so wonderful and fun that they’re never sad or angry or jealous or frustrated.” This advice applies not just to children but to everyone. We need to understand that what we feel is normal. When we understand that these feelings are part of being human and don’t set us apart from others, we can better cope with our emotions. We will become more knowledgeable and with more knowledge we can get better control. 

    Understanding our emotions doesn’t mean everything will be easy. Some feelings are hard to handle, but they’re necessary. They are a message from our body and we need to learn the meaning of those messages. Before we can teach others, like parents teaching children, how to regulate emotions, we need to learn our own. We need to know what are our triggers when we feel joy, anger and sadness and what are our reactions. The underlying response to our emotions starts the same way via chemical reactions. Although it starts the same way for all of us the response to the feeling is what is unique about it. Understand why you react a particular way once you feel an emotion.

    The emotions will come whether we suppress them or not. It’s important to explore the feelings even though it’s uncomfortable and dreadful. It might be easier to ignore the reactions and emotions in the short term but catastrophic in the long term. If children suppress their emotions, they’ll be unprepared for the challenges of life. And trust me, it will get tough. Dr. Becky Kennedy writes, “Adults whose childhood were focused mostly on happiness are not only unprepared for tough moments, they experience more discomfort in those tough moments because deep down they think they’re doing something wrong if they can’t find the ‘happy’ and get themselves to a better place.”

    It’s never too late to learn about yourself, but it might take time if you haven’t reflected on your emotions for a while, or ever. Regardless, it takes time to understand why you react a certain way, what triggers you and understand why others react differently than you. We are unique individuals with different experiences therefore the world we live in affects us differently. If you are fed up with the way you react to certain situations, write out how you felt and how you reacted. Discover yourself and find those patterns. 

    Emotions are there to guide us. If you understand what your emotions mean, you’ll likely know how to control them and why they’re present. You don’t need to be a robot. Be human and experience everything it has to offer which includes all emotions, the comfortable and uncomfortable ones. 

    Take care. 

     

  • You Are Not One-Dimensional: Escaping Identity Foreclosure

    Identity foreclosure happens when an individual commits to a single identity. It is most commonly seen in college students who choose one career path before exploring different opportunities. Over time, when that path no longer fulfills them, they begin to feel trapped. The career they chose becomes their identity, making it difficult to let go. Their sense of self becomes tied entirely to their work.

    This is also common among young athletes who experience a career-ending injury. Their sport becomes all they know—or at least what they believe they know. They identify only as athletes, and when that identity is taken away, depression often follows.

    As individuals, we must be careful not to fall into the trap of believing we are one-dimensional. Most people have a job—one that may consume a large portion of their time, but not all of it. Outside of work, there are other interests, passions, and roles. What occupies most of your time does not define you. Every part of you does.

    You are a son or daughter, a brother or sister, a parent, a friend, a colleague, a professional, an athlete, a musician. We can be many things at once, and all of them shape who we are. It is often observed that the most successful people are those who try on multiple identities. They explore and shift identities rather than accepting one simply to meet expectations or please others.

    They do not put all their eggs into one basket. They explore who they are and discover new aspects of themselves along the way. They are not afraid of failure because failure does not define them. Knowing who they are allows them to see the world as full of opportunity and learning.

    Do not allow yourself to remain stuck in a single dimension. Be curious. Explore what else you can become. No one remains the same person their entire life—even if they try to.

    Take care.