Feel The Wave

Where you begin your personal growth journey.

Tag: Expressing emotions

  • When Everything Feels Right But You Don’t

    The conditions to start your day are perfect. You got a good night’s sleep, your morning shower is warm, the sun is shining, the coffee is brewing, and you’re not rushed to get anywhere. You couldn’t have planned a better start to your day.

    But something feels off. Despite the perfect morning, a heaviness lingers. There’s a weight on your shoulders you can’t shake. What’s going on? Sometimes the world outside is calm and bright, but inside, there are raging rapids trying to break free. These are the complexities of our emotions.

    You go to an event with friends, smiling as if nothing’s wrong, but internally you’re a volcano ready to erupt. You reach this point because you can’t quite express what’s going on inside. How could you, when even you don’t fully understand it? And if you’re honest, that’s not the only reason. You worry that others won’t understand—that they’ll think you’re strange, laugh at you, or turn away.

    But any internal turmoil has an expiration date, whether you like it or not. If you don’t release it in a healthy way, it will find its own way out. The good news is there are ways to let that chaos go—and it all starts with you.

    The first step is sharing your thoughts with yourself. Write them down, or speak them aloud in front of a mirror. At first, your feelings may seem unclear, but with time, you’ll begin to articulate what’s really going on and why. Eventually, you’ll feel ready to share with someone else. Start simple and general to see how it feels and gauge how the person reacts. Most likely, the person you choose will listen—and that alone will lift a weight from your shoulders.

    You can also express yourself by saying something as simple as, “I’m not feeling well today. I don’t know why, but I’m not 100%.” Writing can also help you process emotions, recognize triggers, and notice behavioural patterns. Over time, you’ll learn how to avoid situations that unsettle you.

    “Practice makes perfect,” as the saying goes—but no one is perfect. We’re all practicing something to get better, and that includes expressing ourselves. Some days, your words will flow easily; other days, they won’t. The important thing is that you tried.

    Remember, you’re not alone in feeling this way. Even if others don’t fully understand what you’re going through, they’ll know that you’re not okay and will likely listen. Express yourself kindly, and people will open their hearts.

    Be courageous.

    Take care.

  • When You Shut Down But Need to Speak Up

    We often hesitate to share our feelings because we fear how others might perceive us. We keep our emotions bottled up, not realizing that most people have felt the same way at some point. In truth, expressing how we feel is often met with more acceptance than we expect.

    Still, it’s easier said than done—especially if you were raised to suppress your emotions because your parents didn’t understand or acknowledge them.

    Children who grow up in households where expressing opinions is discouraged, and the parent is always “right,” often enter adulthood feeling helpless or overwhelmed during conflict. They learn early that talking about their feelings leads nowhere. As adults, they may struggle to articulate their emotions, repress how they feel, view conflict as a threat to the relationship, and find it difficult to build emotional intimacy.

    According to holistic psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera, “People with avoidant attachment patterns will shut down anytime there is conflict, try to put off uncomfortable conversations, and not express how they feel.”

    Dr. LePera also notes that individuals who shut down often carry a deep fear of abandonment. To protect themselves from the pain of potential loss, they distance themselves emotionally—believing that if they never fully commit, the hurt will be less if the relationship ends.

    However, not every person who grows up in an emotionally neglectful environment will develop this pattern. Sometimes, a single event—like a playground embarrassment or a public breakup—can shape similar emotional responses.

    Imagine a sixth-grader whose boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with them in front of the entire class. Overcome with embarrassment and emotion, they become the center of unwanted attention. That moment can serve as a lasting warning, encouraging them to avoid vulnerability in future relationships.

    These emotional imprints become internal signals, cautioning them to keep others at a distance to stay safe. The environment we grow up in plays a pivotal role. With supportive parenting, children can learn to process big emotions in a healthy way. Parents who acknowledge and talk about feelings teach their children that emotions are natural, even when they’re painful.

    Conversely, in families where emotions are ignored or minimized, children are taught to suppress their feelings—especially after painful events like the death of a loved one or a breakup. If such events go unspoken, the child may internalize the idea that the way to “move on” is to shut down. But the healthier alternative is to talk through these painful moments, even when it hurts in the short term.

    If you grew up this way—or still behave this way—remember: that was your past, not your future. You can’t change how you reacted or what happened back then, but you can shape what happens from this point forward.

    Pay attention to your feelings as they arise. Get curious about them. Talk to the people you care about—your partner, kids, parents, or friends. Let them know when you’re frustrated, sad, joyful, or excited. These emotions are part of what makes us human. They’re here to guide us, not shame us.

    Embrace all of them.

    Take care.