No one likes to be made fun of or be the brunt of a joke. No one wants to be ignored, attacked, or humiliated. We want to be loved, accepted, and celebrated. We want to be included. However, not all of this is in our control. We must accept events as they are. The only thing we truly control is what we think and how we respond.
No one can disgrace you except yourself. People can say what they want—good or bad—but only one thing matters: what you say and believe about yourself. If you know something isn’t true, why should it affect you? Of course, that’s easier said than done. Emotions play a part, and they are difficult to control.
It’s hard to stay composed when someone’s impression of us is negative. Even if we know their words aren’t true and are more a reflection of them than of us, we often feel the urge to defend ourselves.
Why do we need to convince someone that we are not stupid, mean, or ugly when we already know that’s not true? Why waste our energy defending ourselves against something we know is false? Perhaps it’s instinct—the human need for acceptance—that drives us. It’s not easy to tame something wired into us since the beginning of our existence.
That being said, if someone called me a purple elephant with malicious intent, I’d laugh and brush it off. But if someone called me a pathetic loser, I’d feel a rush of emotions and the urge to defend myself, even if that person was a stranger. Why? Why do we put so much weight on what others—even strangers—think of us? Perhaps it’s rooted in evolution, when belonging to the tribe meant survival. Either way, it’s a powerful pull.
Some people have learned to tune out the noise from strangers. Kudos to them. I still have work to do, and it’s something that requires constant attention. If you feel the urge to defend yourself to a stranger, pause and ask yourself why. You know yourself better than anyone. In the end, it shouldn’t matter what someone you’ve never met thinks of you.
Take care.