In this life we get hurt, disappointed and heartbroken. It's part of the human experience. There is also the opposite of these feelings such as joy, pleasantness and love. Without an opposite feeling we wouldn’t be able to explain what the emotion brings within us. If you haven’t felt or running away from the common emotions of being human such as sadness, joy and love than you are denying being human and that is not a great feeling!
Realize that all humans are flawed and no one is perfect on this earth. Most of us have been on the receiving end or on the giving end of heartbreak. Depending on our experiences, we handle it in different ways. Whatever the experience, it does not mean the person giving it can take it or vice versa. Heartbreak is heartbreak, and if you are hurt or betrayed lean into the feeling. Explore it. Do not swat it away. Sigmund Freud explained it well when he said, “unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
It’s important not to repeat the hurt you fell onto others or to the person who hurt you. Marcus Aurelius said, “the best revenge for these kinds of things was to not be like that, to not be like the people who had done such a thing.” When writing about people who betray or hurt him.
Of course this is easier said than done. You feel pain, the body is trembling and telling you need to release it somehow. The easiest way to do that is to bring hurt to the person who hurt you. Ask yourself , how will you feel afterwards. Possibly better for a brief period but longterm you will feel worse that you did initially. You will realize the outburst did not help you and at the same time, you hurt someone.
There is no magical quick fix to relieve your broken heart or to remove the anger you feel. It takes time. It takes work. A lot of work with yourself to get over the pain. It takes forgiveness. Again, easier said than done because it’s difficult to forgive someone who hurt you and betrayed you.
Betrayal is painful because its a violation of trust. We can feel embarrassed, humiliated, sad and angry. To mend any relationship when there is betrayal, there needs to be accountability and that’s hard to come by with the ego present. If that does not happen, as someone who was betrayed, there is a way to move past it and that is with forgiveness.
Forgiveness frees you from the control of the individual who harmed you. When we forgive, we let space for understanding and compassion by removing the matter that occupied your mind based on anger, depression or embarrassment. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what happened. Harm was done and that is inexcusable. But in some cases, the person who harmed you will not take responsibility. Instead of wasting your time trying to convince them they hurt you, forgiving them releases you from their grip so you can move on.
If you were betrayed and are still focused on the person who harmed you, ask yourself why that is? You have the control to stay or go. You have the choice to seek revenge or to seek forgiveness.
Take care.