Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and there was no flow to it? Subjects ranged from what they had for breakfast to how the gravitational pull of the moon affects the tide. You don’t know if you should ignore some of the conversation and speak to the points that interest you the most or speak to all subjects. It’s puzzling. Naturally, I’m someone who listens more than speaks. I don’t jump from one area of the conversation to another. I can’t. It’s not in me to bounce around different topics. My thoughts get jumbled and what I say does not make sense to me and I assume it does not make sense to the other person as well.
If I don’t have anything to say that will move the conversation in the right direction, I do not say anything. I might respond with a short answer like, “Okay.” or “That’s interesting.” I’m comfortable with the silence after the conversation reached the end. Where I’m uncomfortable is the pause between someones thoughts. I have a difficult time gaging if the other person is between thoughts or completed a thought. I might jump in too quickly and talk over that person for a second until they start talking again. This inevitably follows a see-saw conversation where we both talk simultaneously, pause, talk at the same time until someone suggest the other person should continue. That’s when it gets awkward.
I need to learn to embrace the pause. Embrace a three to five second pause after someone finishes their sentence before speaking. Three to five seconds does not seem like a long time but when looking at someone in the eye for that length without saying a word, it can get uncomfortable. However, with practice I am getting better and learned a few tricks.
I started using body language signs instead of speaking during the pause such as nodding my head. This allows me to reflect on what was just said. It also ensures I do not blurt something vague that does not contribute to the conversation. I use the pause to my advantage.
This also works when asking a question. If I ask a question and the other person does not respond right away, I embrace the pause and think to myself they are taking the time to reflect on their answer. I do not continue to add to my question to clarify. The pause means they will most likely respond with a genuine interest by adding to the topic or asking a question. The pause is beneficial. Use it wisely.
Embrace the pause.
Take care.